Wednesday 27th May 2009

Hello everyone

well i had catalyst again last night, and i loved every minute of it, it's made me look forward to something on a Tuesday, something that now get's me through my dreaded tuesday, and it was so amazing, and awesome, sure i wasn't keen on the fact that i may have to get up and do communion (don't push me) but that's alright, when i'm ready to do it, i can. We had lasagna for tea, boy was it good! and some close friends of mine are coming over on monday! it's going to be awesome.

Although tafe wasn't so awesome yesterday, with the donkey lecturer and all, i had my 2 friends there, people who i didn't get entirely along with beforehand, but i really helped one of them on Monday, she was so mad at the donkey lecturer, for telling her to re-enrol, she gathered most of her things, and left, then i took her to Student Services and we sorted through things with her, and things turned out ok, and i helped someone in excel yesterday, something that no one else picked up on, not even the lecturer saw it! it was a single bracket in the wrong place, creating what was meant to be a nested function into two arguments. i was happy.

So well i've survived with perks along the way, and also it's down points, but that's all good.

I won't even talk about what's going on at the moment, but all's good, i have a good morning planned, and a great morning planned tomorrow! i'm getting my haircut, and have a big morning tea to attend tomorrow, then a meeting, then another class.

God Bless Always
Amanda

Sunday 10th May 2009

Hey all,

Well yesterday I had my training for the daylight savings referendum, and i can't believe myself, when i thought it was going to be this boring old thing with an old lady talking about what we are going to do, well i wasn't entirely wrong, the lady did talk a fair bit, but there was coffee, tea and stuff which was good, and we were in tables 4 people at a table, and we did activities to practice and practiced looking through the streets towns and places directory, which was surprisingly fun, i had great people around me and it ended up being a good morning, one of my better mornings, no dad yelling at me, no disappointments, it was just a good morning.
When Dad picked me up, we came home, had lunch, and then were off again to a loud old fashioned concert, first section was WAY TOO LOUD, mainly the guitar, so i blocked my ears and actually enjoyed it after that, cause i could still hear it, then this AMAZING singer/songwriter got up, he was good, no actually he was great, he got everyone involved, or lack there of, and it was good, then the final set, boy was he bad, he couldn't play guitar at all, i think there might be a talent, but it definitely needs some work, voice was great though, overall a good concert, got more homework done too, which is good.
Then we went to clean the car park, lets put it this way, i really did earn my $10, it wasn't the car park though, it was out by the school, and i came to terms with my fear of magpies, which wasn't that scary, so i did my job, then we left.
We then went shopping, that was fun, i bought stuff, which is always fun, custard tart ($1.50!!!) and choc chip muffins ($1.50) and like 5 packs of extra (you can't beat $0.86c, well you can, but you can't) which was great, loving it.

Today, we had church, it was great fun! i was so in my element, and reaffirmed my fear of ovens (i now have blisters on my finger, which really hurt when they were coming through, not so much now, but that's ok). We made mini banana and chocolate muffins, rocky road (happy to share recipe), chocolates and biscuits (you know, decorated arrowroots with icing and lollies) it was a good morning, but most of my table wanted to go make biscuits, so i kinda filled all the patty pans, but that's ok, what do you expect, it was still fun, and the rocky road was SO GOOD!!!

So i've been sleeping a lot of the afternoon, cause i do tend to have a low pain tolerance, which is ok, now my finger is barely hurting which is good, and i'm meant to be doing homework, so i better snap to it!

Hope you all have a good week and that God surprises you.

God Bless Always
Amanda

Sunday 26th April 2009

Hey all

So today at church, we had our usual breakfast and had powerhouse kids, but afterwards i was called over and they ask me if i'm going to state youth games, i said we'll see, but they never told me the forms were due today, so i had to make up my mind on the spot. I don't want to go. I enjoy the break from my brothers. I have assignments due that week. but they just kept pressuring me. They NEVER go out of their way to talk to me any other time, so why now? because they need numbers, i am just a number to them, with their empty promises. I don't like going on camps, because i am never included, why can't they just leave me to be the fly on the wall like they normally do, instead of facing me with a $140 decision to make in a day, i can't even afford it! I just want people to go out of their way to say hello to me, they say how our church is welcoming, happy and appreciative, well i don't feel that way at all, i feel distant, unappreciated, excluded, unnoticed, and really lonely when i go there, i'm just the person who looks after the kids, the only person who really notices me is Carol, she's great, but that's just one person out of 70-80. i normally go out of my way to help other people, but why do they never go out of their way for me?

God Bless
Amanda

Saturday 25th April 2009

Hey all

I felt i had my place in this world, knew what i wanted to do, and where i was going; well not now, i still know what i want to do with my life, but i have no idea how to get there. Recently, only this week, i've been feeling like somebody else can do my job, when i began being 'replaced'. Wednesday i was mean't to do the bread run with my dad, until Ps Ric replaced me, now this friend of my dad's who CAN'T SHUT UP is replacing me cleaning the car park, earning MY $10. So why can't someone else earn my degree, live my life........

I've had friends anticipate being teachers, like i want to, but quit or cracked, or failed. So i'm going to look into a library traineeship or apprenticeship. I have so many thoughts running through my head, thoughts of me being replaced, and the insane workload i'm under, and of what i'll do next semester, i have absolutely no idea, i am going to need a job, i'm going to have to have the stress of searching for a job, i'll have 2 certificates at hand, leadership, and business admin, with no real resume, and no real friends in this state, no real experience, but we've all got to start somewhere.

Anyone need a secretary? or receptionist? in 3 months that is

God Bless
Amanda

Wednesday 15th April 2009

Hey all

So i ordered 2 books in through koorong early november last year, with the 3rd i'd wanted being out of print, i called late last week, seeing whether they were in, and when they would be getting them in, she said she'd email me with the details, no email, i called earlier this week, spoke to someone else, he said 40 days. The lady i spoke to last week called back today, saying that the distributor wouldn't be receiving anymore, and apologised a lot. I got mad. I'd been waiting 5 months for these books, just to hear that they couldn't get them! it really made me upset, and with the emotions running through my head from a dear friend of mine dying this week, i just couldn't take it! just to wait 5 months to be messed around!

So i went onto the authors website and ordered them directly from her, if these guys mess me around as much as koorong did, i will scream.

God Bless
Amanda

Huggalugs Leg Huggers

Hey all

well this week i discovered "Huggalugs Leg Huggers" they come in funky colours and are suitable to all ages, from babies up to adults! they're great for sensitive skin and at night to stop the mozzies, which i think is good, if you don't want the bulk of a jumper

God Bless always
Amanda

Friday 13th March 2009

Hey everyone

so you're asking, whats been happening, well i will tell you. Last Thursday in a class at tafe, we got put into our team project groups, so i got put with people who i originally thought were nice, well one of them is, but the other 2, i don't think so, i admit i don't tend to talk a lot at first, and the nice one tried to get me to say something, and i didn't say anything harsh, or what seemed to be harsh at all, but apparently one got offended with the way i said things, not so much what i said; ok so i admit, i can be rather direct, straight to the point and i've learnt that, and some people would take this as abrupt, being the word they used to describe me, so i have been asked to work on that, try and not be so direct. they're asking me to CHANGE who i am!!! if they can't put up with how i am, i'm surely not going to change for them, it's their problem, not mine! and i won't change for anyone, let alone people who don't even like me! i'm not going to go out of my way to be friends with them, cause it seems to me that they're hardly even worth the hassle. So the things that happened, i was given jobs i didn't want, and i tried to tell them that, and i put my foot down cause i HATED being secretary last year, and was trying my hardest to avoid it (even ask my lecturer toni from last year, i was so stubborn) they didn't listen to me on the other things, but i was so stubborn and put my foot down against the secretary. Then later one of them came and asked me to make sure i had one of my 5 tasks done be the next week, so i said i'd try, and then she just kept going on and on about it, and i said i would try, with a bit of sterness in my voice, i did say i would try, and so i had 2 done by the next week, then the same girl said she said to have as many as possible done for the next week, which she did not say at all! i was ready to blow a fuse at that point, but i didn't, thank goodness, i would've been in even more trouble then, so i stated my case, and we continued, the 2 other girls kept doing their tasks, saying we were going to do the constitution together, that didn't happen for at least 20 minutes, so i sat there quietly, then they started the constitution, and all that was really happening was one was reading out something, while the other was typing it, i put up with that for 10 minutes, i had my own tasks to do! so i picked up my sheet that i needed to type and went and did that and started on the next task, then one of the duo came over and told me I WASN'T PULLING MY WEIGHT, that I AM DRAGGING THE TEAM BEHIND, which is a whole pile of beeping beep!!!! She also said i'm not contributing to the team tasks, like the constitution, and she said they wouldn't be putting my name on any of the work my group has done!! so she threatened me!!!! made me so mad. Soon after that my lecturer asked if she could talk to me, and i'm a good student, i know that, and apparently i wasn't in trouble, even though i felt like it, and you all know me, i start crying when i feel pressured, scared, intimidated or sometimes even nervous, and my lecturer asked me if i was alright, which of course i wasn't but i didn't say that, i just assured her i was fine and that this always happens, so she told me that she had some complaints from some of my team, and some other people about how i had been treating one of the duo, i was actually helping one of the duo and she just snaps at me, i was being nice, there was no sarcasm or anything in my voice, and she just snaps at me, for no reason!!! shows me for helping her right? so my lecturer asked why i was sitting on the other side of the room, and i was late, and was talking to a friend, so i just kinda sat on the other side of the room, nothing to do with not wanting to sit near them. My lecturer continued and kept asking if i was ok, cause i wasn't making a sound, but was continously crying, cause i hate being confronted by someone higher than me, it just makes me cry, don't ask me why, it just does, so then she asked me what i was going to do when i went back to class, and i said "sit closer to my team and work on my directness" or something like that, like a good little girl. Then i walked out with tears still streaming down my face and went to the toilet, washed my face and then went outside and sat in an inlet by the door for a while, i got up and walked down the path till i got to the end of the building, and walked back, went back to the toilet, washed my face again, when i notice a friend walking up the hallway, she came to find me, was wondering whether i was ok, i can't remember what i said, but we and walked back into class together, i had just controlled my tears, which does tend to take a while, cause it's normally really overwhelming for me; I packed up my stuff and moved next to the nice person in my team.

So the main problems with my team

• I was threatened
• I'm being bullied
• I'm discluded
• I feel seperated; and
• My lecturer seems to think there's nothing wrong with my team

What i'm going to do about it

• I'm going to email my lecturer
  

Thursday 5th March 2009

Hi

So i went to tafe today, already having finished one unit, i only had my afternoon class to go to, so yes, i went, i was tired and easily agitated, and found out we're doing group work, oh wow, group work, so we got put in out teams and i found out i was in with the clicked group, as in they're already 'best buds' it makes me sick just thinking about it. So here's my dilemma, seeing as they're just the best of friends, and i'm the outsider, they think they can walk all over me, assigning me the worst jobs, not asking my opinion, naming me secretary, the job i officially hate the most, until i actually stood up for myself (wow, big shock, seriously) and said no, i didn't want to take endless notes, i'm good at it, yes, but i didn't want to do it, cause i can't write that fast, and seeing as i have total beeps in my group, meaning they wouldn't even consider slowing down if i asked them, and apparently, they needed my contact details, my full name and mobile number, the beeps, sure yes i know, they're nice people, but not when they totally disclude you and leave you out, can be real beeps like that, but anyway, i have to put up with them in my team for the next 4-5 weeks, it's really going to suck, and yes, i did insult alice, not intentionally, it just, you know, slipped out, as words do, all i said to her idea was "wow, 5 ideas, woop de doo" and got told of for it from another total beep in my group, i shut up after that, i just really wish they included me.......

Signing Off
God Bless
Amanda

Because - by TD Jakes

Just because no one has been fortunate enough to realise what a gold mine you are
Doesn't mean you shine any less.

Just because no one has been smart enough to figure out that you can't be topped
Doesn't stop you from being the best.

Just because no one has come along to share your life,
Doesn't mean that day isn't coming.

Just because no one has realised how much of an awesome woman you are,
Doesn't mean they can affect your femininity.

Just because no one has shown up who can love you on your level,
Doesn't mean you have to sink to theirs.

Just because you deserve the very best there is,
Doesn't mean that life is always fair.

Just because God is still preparing your king,
Doesn't mean that you're not already a queen.

Just because your situation doesn't seem to be progressing right now,
Doesn't mean you need to change a thing.

Kepe shining, keep running, keep hoping, and keep praying,
Keep being exactly what you are already, COMPLETE!!

------------------------------

I found this on a forum i'm part of, it's really true, all women should read this

Sunday 1st March 2009

Hey everyone

I'll start from the very beginning, good place to start, around 12 years ago, we moved into the house we are still living in, this lady came to our little old church and dad instantly became friends with her, he's a friendly guy, i admit that, and then we all realised we only lived around the corner from each other, so my brothers and i started having play dates with her daughter, kimberly, and so that continued for ages, won't go into that though, but the lady started coming around A LOT, sleeping over, having showers, never could manage her money that woman (then again, neither can i) kept borrowing off us, then this miracle of a man came into her life and moved her away (hip, hip, hooray) now she has claimed the name of "The Stalker". Now to today, Darryl was doing announcements and the stalker interrupted and mentioned that her sunnies went missing last week, there have been a lot more important things go missing, than her stupid sunnies, but still Darryl was polite and prayed for her, the attention seeking beep that she is, and well yeah, thats the story.

It just frustrated me so much that she for beeps sake could be so ignorant, it just makes me repulse her even more, the beeping woman, and it just peeves me off so bad.

anyway, i have a meeting to go to, so i'll possibly post later, we'll see

have a good public holiday! might bake something tomorrow, after my numerous amounts of reading and homework, anyway

God Bless as always
Amanda

22nd February 2009

Good afternoon everyone

Today I would like to talk about church today, has everyone got their newsletters?

ok i'll stop now

I'll start from the beginning.......

Last year sometime, i was kicked off the worship team at church, given the choice, kids or worship, 2 of my greatest passions, i cried a bit, then the next week, i said kids, cause even though my future is with kids, i still love worship and find it to be one of my most deepest passions, this fire that burns inside me to sing and write and do many random things, and they made me choose, i thought how could they? how could they give me the hardest decision in my life till that point, so yes, i talked to God, sat in silence with him and just thought about it, weighed up the pros and cons and came to a decision, it was a hard one, but anyway, today at church i went and saw carol, a fellow sunday school leader up on stage, singing with the worship team, i got so pissed off i wanted to scream, i got angry and upset and i cried, not loudly, just let the tears flow down my cheeks, pretending i was into the worship, when i wasn't, i was so mad i just blew a fuse, i didn't do anything drastic, but it's like a kettle was going off in my head, one of those whistling ones you know? steam shooting out my ears, eyes all puffy and face turning red i was so angry, nobody noticed thank goodness.

Later on that day i was talking to angela, she mentioned this one time they were at a youth group meeting, and i found out that someone thinks i should put church before family, kids before family, that going to a stupid meeting is more important than fulfilling my committments with my family, really shows where their priorities lye now doesn't it, so what it was just doing the dishes, so what, i was doing them so i'd get paid, yes, but so that i could be loyal to my family, and yes i know christon, you're thinking what crap, well you don't know me as well as you think you do, so be quiet, anyway, i'm getting carried away here, back on topic. I got so mad when angela told me that, so flipping mad, but i managed to calm down and relax a little and just keep talking to her

this afternoon andrew needed a baby sitter, so i offered (not that i got paid today, it's a sunday, God's day) we made cup cakes and jelly and mousse and it was yummy, i liked it, then i finally got to relax after a while, which was good, i've got an evening of tv planned and still have to finish the dishes, but that's ok, my feet hurt and well yeah, it's cool

i better go

God Bless as always
Amanda

21st February 2009

Hey all

So i was planning my night in my head, do stuff, then sit down relax and watch the bill, but as many of you know, what you plan can be so different to what ACTUALLY happens, yes, again, we had visitors, now you know me, i'm not complaining about this, cause yes, they're nice people, they're not a bunch of camerons, they're actually funny in a nice way, makes me think about getting cameron booted from tafe, such good times, good times indeed, anyway, old friends of dad's and mine, they actually thought they'd come out of their way to visit us, considering i've been such a beep to one of them, i was shocked (i hearby officially apologise, please note this) and for them to invite us to a birthday party! i was so amazed, and shocked, and happy! it was a good night after all, even though i did miss out my bill, this was way more special.

Now you ask, what have i really been up to? well i'm glad you asked, i got accepted into Certificate 4 in Business Administration at tafe, it's challenging in some aspects, but there's this 1 subject i'm absolutely breezing through! it is so much fun! i love it, i've made some friends, but not those real close ones that you truly cherish, i really do wish i had one of those in wa, closest is victoria, my best friend Jo (love you lots jo, please note this) she's truly amazing, and i love her to pieces, she's so inspirational and a great mentor to me, aspires me to do my best and be who God has called me to be.

Church isn't so crash hot at the moment, except the fact that craigs left (he took his time) always haven't been that fond of him, he never seemed to like me much, we're painting the sunday school room too (we have our own room! it's awesome) and dad's taken on even MORE responsibility, he does so much work for them, i don't see how he can do it all, it's insane. I'm slowly easing my way out of youth group, they never updated me with what was happening, and i grew sick and tired of it, so if they don't tell me whether it's on or what's happening each week, i just simply won't go, cause it's like they don't value me much there, being short on leaders, you'd think they would show some appreciation, but no, i'm wishing to hard for that, but it's really great being a sunday school leader tamara is such a great leader, she's keeps everyone informed, either through facebook, email or phone, she's so organised though, it's kinda freaky.

and i've made a plan for my junk heap of a bedroom, but that shall remain a secret for now, as i know my brother reads this, i'm yet to draw up the blue prints, but i've got plans, yes, i've actually got plans! ahhh!! it's so amazing, i'm actually bothering! wow! i'll stop now.

being almost 11 now, still waiting for my washing, i better go to bed, i have to be up at 6am tomorrow morning! cause the church is putting on breakfast for the early risers, at 7:45am, it's going to be crazy, kinda looking forward to it, but kinda not, i'm not one to talk much until i've had my injection of caffeine, anyway

night all
God Bless as always
Amanda

24th January 2008

Hey readers,

i was thinking tonight, as i sat at my computer, having only just finished the dishes for, listening to my good old christian music, well not THAT old, but older than this year, anyway, i had this most serene and tranquil moment, more like a minute, but, well, you know, well maybe you don't....... anyway, it was just a total God moment and i loved it and had to just tell somebody, something, anything, knowing my brother will read this, i just don't care! for one moment, i was calm, relaxed and happy with my life, at that moment, it was amazing, anyway, it's past midnight, so i better be heading to bed soon.

One last thing, i wish, no, i pray at sometime in your life, you experience the tranquility and serenity i felt tonight, that peace that cannot be taken from you, and may it stay with you forever

Truly radical Christianity is not defined by geographical locations or external circumstances. Radical christianity is the complete and utter surrender of our own will to the will of God. Nothing is more radical, extreme ... or rare.
~ David Timms, Hope International University

God, grant me the serenity to accept the things i can not change, courage to change the things i can & the wisdom to know the difference, living one day at a time; enjoying one moment at a time; accepting hardship as the pathway to peace. Amen

Leaving Youth

Hey,

I hate to be the bringer of bad news, but i feel i have no other logical choice. This subject has been on my mind for quite some time, more like this choice. Early this term i was so overwhelmed, i wanted to break down and cry, but God got me through that one long night, with coasters, 5-7's & youth, it was so hard on me, so it brings me to the reason of this post, i'm leaving youth (this is the point where everyone celebrates) this is for no other reason but God; i have felt left out & excluded for a long while now, like no one wants me there, so therefore i must make this tragic choice, continue going there, feeling left out & hurt, or leave & just help with 5-7's. I believe i have grown so much & at Livewire i have been hurt & discouraged, but that is not the reason i am leaving, it's the one of many. When i spent that Friday night home last week, i felt burdened with having to go back, but i enjoyed it home, i had fun relaxing after a hectic week with assignments & i've been hanging out to become a leader there, but have been too chicken to ask at fear of being rejected, which would've probably happened anyway, then Andrew left, the one guy that kept me there, so now i feel left out & alone, with nothing keeping me there, so i am leaving. I have been pondering this decision for a long while & have finally made it. To clarify, i will still be helping with the 5-7's, for as long as they want me there, i don't feel useless or alone there, i have jobs i do & am happy doing them. I wish Livewire all the luck & happiness that God could offer them & now i formally bid adeu, have fun without me, which i know you will

with God's many blessings
Amanda

Blessings Since Sam

For those of you who don't know, but Samuel Press was cheating on me for 3 weeks prior to the break-up. How it happened was that she contacted me. but these are the blessings i have found since it happened.

• I've become so much more closer to God & more open
• I'm content with myself a lot more now
• I have found new friends, who were previously just acquaintances
• I found a new friend who is a christian
• I have spoken up more after my down period
• I've learned that there are many jerks out there & that it is really something special to find that perfect guy, to whom i am yet to find
• I'm generally happier
• I've had a lot more time to do more important things
• I've been less emotionally drained
• I found some awesome songs
  
• Sleep deprivation is no longer such an issue
  
• I've really learned what it means to be loved
• My friends are A LOT more important to me than what they were before
• To Hayley, who stood up for me, comforted me, supported me & understood what a (insert word here) Sam was
  
• To Joanne who understood, comforted me & supported me during that time, agreeing with me & putting up with me
• To Joshua who definitely helped in some way & giving my opinion some glimmer of hope into what guys can really be like, finding them is another question
• To Beth who provided support & comfort & being there for me when i needed you
  
• To Danie who agreed with me & helped me & showing me that good guys can be found, for supporting me & for keeping in contact, it definitely helps me not feel so distant from my family, whom i adore greatly
• To God, for providing me with this opportunity to see what a (insert word here) Sam really was & for doing everything & more to get me to this point & beyond
• To myself, for taking chances & risking this outcome, for it is better to have loved & lost, than to have not loved at all

Arrivederci everyone, i'll try & blog again soon, we'll see
God Bless
Amanda

The Prairie Flower

On the distant prairie, where the heather wild,
In its quiet beauty lived and smiled,
Stands a little cottage, and a creeping vine
Loves around its porch to twine.
In that peaceful dwelling was a lovely child,
With her blue eyes beaming soft and mild,
And the wavy ringlets of her flaxen hair,
Floating in the summer air.

Fair as a lily, joyous and free
Light of that prairie home was she,
Every one who knew her felt the gentle power
Of Rosalie, 'The Prairie Flower.'

On that distant prairie, when the days were long,
Tripping like a fairy, sweet her song,
With the sunny blossoms, and the birds at play,
Beautiful and bright as they.
When the twilight shadows gathered in the west,
And the voice of Nature sank to rest,
Like a cherub kneeling, seemed the lovely child,
With her gentle eyes so mild.

Fair as a lily, joyous and free,
Light of that prairie home was she.
Every one who knew her felt the gentle power
Of Rosalie, 'The Prairie Flower.' But the summer faded, and a chilly blast,
Over that happy cottage swept at last:
When the autumn song birds woke the dewy morn,
Little 'Prairie Flower' was gone.
For the angels whispered softly in her ear,
'Child, thy Father calls thee, stay not here.'
And they gently bore her, robed in spotless white,
To their blissful home of light.
Though we shall never look on her more,
Gone with the love and joy she bore,
Far away she's blooming in a fadeless bower,
Sweet Rosalie, 'The Prairie Flower'

Prayer

Hey,

I just wanted to post something that's been on my heart for a while now, i don't know why i didn't post this sooner.

Prayer isn't just asking when you "need" stuff, it's about the little things too, praying for others & just sitting in his presence. God's just like one of us, except you can't ignore him, you CAN talk to him about your day, he does actually care, you CAN ask him how he's going too. This world is too focused on material objects & possessions. God made us & this earth for us to WORSHIP, PRAY & HONOUR him, not to be greedy & self centered, God actually CARES about YOU, whether you see it or not, it may take a lot of faith to know him, but is that so hard? just to have FAITH & know that he exists? Prayer is talking to God, just like you would talk to a close friend a normal conversation, whatever happened to that? i believe that God talks all the time, but that there is too much NOISE around us that prevents us from hearing it. If you just give God the opportunity, you'll be surprised with what you hear or what happens. Hearing God isn't always going to be a voice in your head, it isn't always going to be audible either, hearing God can be hearing him speak to you through a friend, or hearing him could be just something good happening, actions, it's not always a voice. Take some time this week & just give it to him & you'll be amazed with what happens.

God Bless Always
Amanda

24th March 2008

Hey everyone...

i know, long time no post, right? yeah well i have a life too, thats actually not based around a computer, anyway, i'm posting for a reason & well, people would like to know how i've been doing & what happened on this VERY special day, here goes, i went to Beth & Andrew's (bethers & fuzza) Engagement Party, great fun, no literally, i had a great time, i'm not being sarcastic, it was awesome, i'll begin at when i woke up, step by step, in statements & blocks, we'll see...

i set my alarm for 7am the previous night
it didn't wake me
it woke my dad
dad woke me saying my phone was going off
i reluctantly got up
jumped on my computer (oh wow, nobody would've thought, lol, blame the chocolate)
8:30 - shower, spent half an hour in there
got dressed into my gorgeous floral top (if i do say so myself) & classic favourite jeans (which i found on the friday in a mound of clothes)
woke Dad up
9:30 went to the train station
tossed up between going or not


i'm naturally a nervous person & got terrified about knowing so little people, cut a long story short, God pushed me onto the train, honestly surprised, very glad he did

caught the 9:45 train to perth (a train earlier than i had planned)
had thoughts about getting the next train home
that didnt happen
arrived in perth
walked to find a toilet
found one
got a bunch of time tables
got a well deserved drink for $3, classically, coke zero 600ml
jumped on the midland train
got even more nervous & scared of the unknown
then God kept reminding me "no turning back"
arrived in midland
found toilet
sat down for 20 minutes
got bored
read my book
noticed transperth lady helping a guy with a stick
figured it must be ashley
waited till he was at the steps
introduced myself (very courageous i know, rather proud of myself at that moment, must've had "don't talk to strangers" drilled into me at a younger age)
waited & talked
Andrew finally arrived (considering i had been bored previously, of course i would say finally, not that he was late or anything, very grateful Andrew :D)
we picked up the mudcakes beth ordered (3 of them)
thought Andrew may have been lost, cause i thought "why would a chicken treat be out here in suburban wasteland?"
found chicken treat, literally suburban wasteland, old dead cinema right near it
Andrew ordered 5 COLD chickens, emphasis on cold
noticed a sign in the window reading "2 cold chickens $17.95" or something along those lines
told Andrew & Ashley & got him back $11.55, considering they charged him almost $60
got the attendant in trouble with her boss
went & picked up 6 bags of ice
arrived & saw beth & introduced myself to a bunch of people
started helping out

helping out helps me feel comfortable, it helps me feel as if i fit somewhere in this puzzle of a world, instead of just sitting around, i'm naturally helpful & i know that & i ask to help & do things without being asked, it's what i do, but i also like being in charge, giving the rules & making orders, i guess that's why i'm such a good servant, i know when to stand back & when to step forward

did a bunch of stuff
introduced myself to someone i knew online & didnt realise
talked & talked & talked
she left
got what was left of lunch (1 piece of meat & some salad in a roll & 2 mini quiches)
got a can with the bottom popped out so it wouldnt stand (not on purpose)
went inside & continued helping, bringing in empty trays & stuff
handed out 2 platters of mini cupcakes (yum & no i didn't eat both trays like my brothers would be thinking)
listened to speeches in between each tray
sat down in lounge area for a while & met more people & talked more
finished my coke zero
went & helped more
watched people leave
talked with Beth's dad (very nice guy) & fix it guy (forgot his name, met him last time)
watched more people leave
helped start packing up
did other stuff to help, taking platters in & collect rubbish, put glasses in boxes
stacked chairs
packed up gazebo thingy
helped fit everything into a bag
said bye to beth & everyone
beth apologised for not talking to me much & thanked me for my help :)
went with ashley & andrew to the midland train station
caught the 4:45 train to perth (just) i think ashley could tell i was trying to rush, but its hard when i had to guide him, but thats alright, we made it (fear of the unknown contributed in that)
rested on the train (thirsty [they ran out of cans & couldnt be bothered with cups] & with a sore throat)
talked a bit
read my book a bit
talked more
waited patiently to arrive in perth
got off the train
said bye to ashley
got a drink
missed the train to kwinana
played on the escalators & lifts :D
read random signs
jumped on the train
read my book
moved seats to read a sign
parents walked in from the next carriage (boy was i shocked)
read the sign
talked
got to kwinana station
went to farmer jacks to get tomato sauce & i got yogurt
went home
had dinner
played on internet
brings me to now

overall, beth, andrew, the party was great, i really enjoyed myself, loved it, even though i knew like 4%, probably know about 10% now, thanks so much for inviting me, i had a blast, better than going to grans any day, i would have to say (never have really liked gran much) thank you both & i'll see you later :)

(PS: i'm famous, my monster cake last night was a hit, purple cake with orange icing, dad said best cake there & a friend ate 5 pieces, ladies behind me said "a girl named amanda made this" so i turned around & said that's me, monster cake, best thing since monsters inc.)

thanks guys
God Bless always
manda4889

Poems from a book

The Friend That You’ve Outgrown

Here’s to the friend that you’ve outgrown,
The one whose name is left unknown,
The one who wiped away your tears,
And sought to hold your hand,
When others turned the other way,
No beginning, just an end.

She’s the one you turned to,
The one that you called friend.
She laughed with you, she cried with you,
And felt it was her duty,
To remind you of your worth,
And all your inner beauty.

When others’ eyes could only dwell,
Upon your exposed outer shell.
They saw a fat girl steeped in braces,
Not seeing you they turned their faces.
But she was there to whisper,
When others didn’t care.

She held your secrets in her heart,
That friends like you could share.
You never had to be alone,
But now she is, ‘cause you’ve outgrown
Her for those others whose laughs you share,
As you run carefree through the air.

Time has eased your form and face,
But she’s the one who knew your grace
When those who you now call your friend
Saw no beginning… only end.

by C.S. Dweck


Sometimes We Dream

Sometimes I dream of Lesley
Sitting painfully
Corruption concealed behind eyes of happiness and silk.
Her plastic smile hides the affliction of her heart.
Deep inside there is a vengeance that
Seeps into her veins.
She cries out, but no one hears.
Someone will interrupt a nightmare.
Someone will help Lesley stand against vanity.

Sometimes I dream of Marcia
Her vibrant eyes hidden beneath a
Dark, dark hood.
Her soul is in cigarette butts, and old needles,
Thrown away.
Sometimes she literally sells herself short.
When her fingers reach, she grasps only at broken edges.
She cries out, but no one hears.
Someone will interrupt a nightmare.
Someone will help Marcia fight addiction.

Sometimes I dream of Jonathan
His eyes run without destination.
Away from his culture, away from himself.
A glass shell forms around his heart, filling it with shame.
As scissors snip his long, dark hair,
Shards of soul fall at his feet.
Colourless pieces.
He cries out, but no one hears.
Someone will interrupt a nightmare.
Someone will help Jonathan kill prejudice.

Sometimes I dream of Caitlyn
Her eyes are fatigued from the fight.
“It’s hard to be liked,” she says, “when you have those things others want.”
Her riches have the power to
Destruct, deceive, demolish.
The power to make others covet
Rather than celebrate.
She cries out, but no one hears.
Someone will interrupt a nightmare.
Someone will help Caitlyn combat envy.

Sometimes I dream of Juan
With eyes black, beaten, and bruised.
No one notices when that single, solitary tear trickles down his cheek.
He sits in the deepest shadow of the darkest corner,
Dreading the afternoon bell.
He blames himself, though
It’s hardly his fault.
He cries out, but no one hears.
Someone will interrupt a nightmare.
Someone will help Juan brave domestic violence.

Sometimes I dream of Kimberly
Her eyes downcast.
She tries to make friends, but to hope anymore is to be let down.
She walks through the halls, trying to pass unnoticed.
She cannot help her clothes, her weight, her trembling chin.
She runs from the comments that shatter her dreams and
Build a wall around her heart.
She cries out, but no one hears.
Someone will interrupt a nightmare.
Someone will help Kimberly battle bullying.

As social issues start to shout,
Have no fear of standing out.
There is a difference to be made,
In harmony, nightmares will surely fade.

I can interrupt a nightmare.
I can help society conquer all…
Maybe that someone is me.

by Olivia Heaney
(i cried with this poem)


Eternity

I lie in bed at night and pray,
that you will think of me.
I cry until my eyelids close,
and dream – eternity.

I wake to sunlight on my face,
for a moment I forget.
Then a cloud passes by,
and I realise, this is it.

I carry on throughout the day,
feigning joy, and feeling pain.
I long to gaze upon your face,
and share a smile, an embrace.

The day is drawing to an end,
and still I think of you.
I try to relax, yet in my mind,
I wonder what to do.

So now I lay me down to sleep,
I pray the Lord, my soul will keep.
And should you chance to think of me,
know that I love you – eternally.

Deiah Haddock


Perfection

Skinny legs, bigger breasts
Is all they want to see
Tiny waists and thinner arms
The opposite of me.

The pressure to be perfect
Is slowly closing in
An utter suffocation
That doesn’t seem to end.

Society is telling me
Beautiful is thin
And if I choose to starve myself
Perfection’s what I win.

Shoving something down my throat
Will get me what I want
Bring me closer to that goal
Of a body I can flaunt.

Society is telling us
Beauty is a prize
Measured in the size of your breasts
In weight and clothing size.

But let me tell you here and now
No good will come from that
It seems okay at first
But soon becomes a trap.

A disease that clouds the mind
And believes what is untrue
Believes you’re never good enough
No matter what you do.

There is one beauty that I know
It’s the greatest prize of all
It’s learning to accept yourself
Imperfections, flaws, and all.

The beauty that really matters
Lies in our heart, our soul, our core
Because when you love what’s inside
You love what’s outside even more.

Brittany Steward


Let Me Live

Let me cut my own hair.
If it looks horrible,
Let me learn not to touch scissors and that hair grows back.

Let me spend my money.
If the shirt’s too little and the store doesn’t give refunds,
Let me learn to save my cash.

Let me kiss a boy.
If he thinks it’s just a fling and I get my heart broken,
Let me learn that some boys are just that way.

Let me flunk my test.
If I fail the class and miss the honour roll list,
Let me learn to study more.

Let me miss the shot.
If my team loses and I’m on the bench,
Let me learn to concentrate on the basket.

Let me go out past curfew.
If I get grounded and miss that big party this weekend,
Let me learn to follow the rules.

But most important, let me live.
If I learn a lesson,
You’ve done your part.

Jennifer Danley


Self-Esteem

Please treat me well; I am as I’m treated

When I am loved, I can love who I am
When I am cared for, I can care for myself
When I am treated as someone, I can feel like someone

Speak to me, so I may learn to listen
Expose the world to me, so I may see its beauty
Look into my eyes, so I may feel I am seen

If you’re good to me, I must be a good person

When you smile at me, I can smile inside
When you let me make choices, I know that I can choose
When you give to me, I can give a bit back

Touch me gently, so I may touch others
Rest my unrest, so that I may learn self-control
Soothe me, so I may learn to soothe

Love me, but give me room to love others

When you treat me as successful, I can learn to succeed
When you respect my dreams, I can explore reality
When you allow my mistakes, I can accept what they teach

Teach me diversity of though, so I may be open-minded
Help me help others, so I may grow to be selfless
Demonstrate your diligence, so I may earn my way in life

Show me how to laugh, so I may laugh with others
Laugh at your shortcomings, so I may accept my own

I am someone and I am loved

Jim Lauer


if you wish to comment on a particular poem, just say the poem name in your comment & the write your comment :)
i'm almost half way through the book, so expect more

Chicken Soup For The Teenage Soul 4
Various Authors

God Bless
Amanda

His Princess

i thought i'd post about a book series that interests me (i'm going to save up for it)

His Princess #01: Love Letters From Your King
This beautiful four-colour book opens the eyes of women to see themselves the way God sees them. Many don't even know that they are daughters of the King - chosen to be His Princess. Somewhere between childhood and adulthood, they trade in their fairy-tale dreams of being cherished for a tarnished identity fashioned by their own insecurities and the mixed-up messages of the media. Now, these tenderly adoring letters written from God's perspective demonstrate that every woman is beautiful just the way she is. Walking in confidence toward her God-given purpose, every woman can bless others - even future generations.

Price: $17.95 at Koorong or Word Bookstore

His Princess #02: Prayers To My King
PRAYERS TO MY KING is a beautiful gift book created to help women connect intimately with their God. Where the first book in the HIS PRINCESS series reminded us that we are loved intimately and unconditionally by our King, this second book helps us express our deepest thoughts, desires, fears and failures by emulating King David in the Psalms and crying out to God through prayer. Christian women will gain a personal, dynamic prayer life.

Price: $17.95 at Koorong or Word Bookstore

His Princess #03: My Prince Will Come
When a royal princess is rescued by a brave prince, every girl's heart pitter-patters at the thought. But women of all ages can easily miss the glorious truth that Jesus is the Prince who has already chosen her and is waiting at her door. Such an occasion is motivation for you to be at your best'healthy in every way! Now, as encouraging as it is practical, MY PRINCE WILL COME equips every woman to start living today a life of incredible freedom from the past, joy in the present, and hope for the future!

Price: $18.95 at Koorong or Word Bookstore

I HIGHLY recommend these books, they seem like just the thing teenagers & young adults should read & i for one am going to read them, so that means they must be good

God Bless Always
Amanda

Perth to Port Augusta

So i guess you probably haven't heard, I'M IN PORT AUGUSTA, i'll explain it day by day & what we did, where we stayed & how i managed my endless boardom

THURSDAY to FRIDAY - on the 27th of December 2007, 6:30pm, the Altmann family set off on their adventure to Port Augusta, yes i know we left late, but dad had to go pick up the jack (more on the jack later) we travelled to northam where we called in & saw my great aunty kathy, where she gave me a set of bedroom minituares (did i mention i love all things mini) & almost fell asleep, about 11pm we left aunt kath's & headed to places unknown, including kalgoorlie & norseman, of what i can remember, after driving through the night, we booked into the BP service station motel & considering i slept alot of the way from northam to norseman, i went for a swim, really glad i brought my bathers, when i was doubting whether i should when i was packing, christon & i talked a bit (yes my brother & i do actually TALK, we don't just fight you know) and then i had a shower & slept some more (boy was i tired, even though i had already slept alot) didnt have lunch, surprisingly enough & later that day, we went out to the local IGA & bought groceries & walked down the street to the cafe & ordered some chips for tea, much to my brothers & my astoundment, who was sitting out the front, but our dear old ex-aunty (long story, cant be bothered) afterwards, we talked to kate(ex-aunt) and she invited us over for a cup of tea, so we went back to the cabin & had our chips, then my mother wanted a shower at 7pm, when we were meant to be at Kate's, so we were late. once we got to Kates we spent 10 minutes choosing out of 2 houses which it was & eventually found it (norseman hasnt heard of house numbers, i feel sorry for the postman) so we went in & talked for a couple hours, i almost fell asleep again & then we left, got back to the cabin & slept.

SATURDAY - woke up at 6am-ish & packed everything up, stocked the car & left, we drove & drove & stopped & drove & stopped & drove so much, toilet seemed to beckon a fair bit on the way across & i had to, well, how do i say this, i had to "do my business" in a bush, yes i know too much information, but i dont care :P then we drove to many towns & stopped in many towns, too many too name, we got to the border & juicy fruit was $2 a packet! we got a small chips, which took 20 minutes (can they be any slower!) & continued on, then we crossed the nullabor plain, which was ssssssssssooooooooooooooo boring, now can you say boring, B-O-R-I-N-G & drove on to nundroo, where the fuel station was shut, & we didn't have enough to reach the next town, being about midnight, the lady gave us the backpackers room for $40 for the night, no, not each, there was no running water, no kettle, only a tv, table & 5 beds, oh & did i mention it was riddled with TERMITES! yes, termites, the little white ants that eat wood & are just plain gross, we slept.

SUNDAY - at 7am, when my alarm went off, i got up & there was a spider in the shower, i didnt scream, which was good & then we packed up & left, we went through so many little towns & paid $3.90 each for giant twins (dad loved them as a kid) every other place we stayed, i asked how much they were, $2.80, then $2.20, when the place we got them for $3.90 said they were the cheapest, i'll tell you now, don't get giant twins at nundroo, they're rip offs, get them closer to ceduna, so much cheaper, like in bali i heard, don't go for the first offer, go for the last, but i didnt know they were going to be cheaper down the road! it was stupid, nundroo is stupid, never stay there, warning you now, so we drove & drove & stopped & drove & stopped & slept & ate & drove, since we left minnipa, dad said, we'll have tea in kimba, we'll have tea in kimba, kimba came & kimba went, dad said we'll have maccas in Port Augusta, didn't happen, we ended up having pasta at grandmas, which i wouldve been able to have anyway, why is it, that on the trip, i've been lied to the whole way over? why? i don't know, forgive & forget i suppose, anyway, we got to grans & stayed up till 11:30-ish, talking & then went to bed.

well, anyway, that the trip, we're going to adelaide on thursday, blog soon
God Bless,
Amanda

Shadow

i just found out that my best friend shadow was in a car accident
he's saved my life on numerous accounts
he's having surgery
i'm scared
his arm is badly damaged
please pray
we're leaving today for south australia
if we werent i would visit him
his mothers dead
he's one of my closest friends
its struck me hard
please pray for his family
with the loss of his mother
please pray that his friends & family are brought closer to God
through this experience
just please keep him in your prayers
pray that his friends find comfort in God
please pray that the surgery goes well
and that he comes back to God through this experience
thank you

God Bless
Amanda

Beth's Place

So, for those who don't know (substantial amount), i stayed at Beth's place from Sunday to Wednesday, i'm assuming you want to know what happened, well, here goes

It all started Sunday afternoon, around 4ish, which was originally suspected, Beth & Andrew came down & picked me up, & we went straight up to Northside Church, where Beth & Andrew attend on Sunday evenings, well, one word expresses the feeling i felt that night, PHENOMINAL, the message was so not what i was used to, sure Darryls messages are good, but this guy, he just, it was like he knew me, like he was addressing, me, what i was feeling, what was happening, it was like he was talking about me & nobody knew, i have never felt that way in my own church, never, not once, but, it was just amazing, i loved it, then afterwards, Beth & I went to the shops, took ages to find one open, but wasnt too bad, then we went & picked up Andrew & found out, Andrew & I have so much in common, totally strange, but, people in the world do have similarities, so theres bound to be someone that you have something in common with, doesnt mean anything special, it was just, funny, i guess, had dinner (wasnt bad, actually pretty good, yes i remember) then got the low down on everything & went to bed, it was actually comfy, lol, reminds me, i need to clear off my bed, anyway.........

Monday, well, woke up bright & early at 7am, had a shower, and well, sat around for a while, but, the substantial time consumer, was the endless walk, on an endeavor to find the local coles (boy was that crazy) it took me 3 hours to find it & i saw a dead fox on the way & screamed, i literally screamed, i never scream & i was shaking & dizzy & couldnt breathe, but then i kept walking, with God calming down (isnt he great at that!) & i found some horses & petted them & that calmed me down, then almost got hit by a car! boy did that freak me out, when i finally got to coles, i was rather rude to the newsagency lady, i asked about street directories & stuff & found out the street (or there abouts) that beth lived on, & got a bus time table & used the map on that, i know the old newsagency lady got upset with me, but i was lost & she wouldnt help me, so i helped myself, i just looked at it in the newsagency & found the street, then i went back (didnt take as long as way there, thank goodness) but i couldnt get in! so i went through the laundry door, with the key beth said to use, the dog had fun barking at me, and i had fun barking at it, lol, so funny, i got in & drank at least a litre of water (thats something good isnt it?) & had a shower (knew that i needed it) & relaxed, then, later that day, i knelt down in my temporary room & landed on my case, resulting in a large purple bruise (doctor did mention i bruise easily) & limped around & relaxed (yes i can relax) when i managed to get a chance to talk, beth said it was her that called, (more on that later), we had tacos (i think) that night, lol, they are so good, i hadnt had them before, don't try the salsa, can you say HOT! but later that night, i just felt so, out of place, when one of beths friends came over, Andrew, i'm used to & Kirsty, she's nice & i'm used to her too, but it was like i was excluded & it wasnt like it had been like the night before, so i went to bed at 9:30 (yes i know, miracle, you dont have to tell me) i ended up crying myself to sleep (all too familiar for me).

On Tuesday, well i avoided Beth that morning, until she left for work, cause i was confused, then just sat around & tigger actually came up to me & missy bit me, but yeah, i actually had a bath, i like baths, laid back & relaxed for a bit, it felt good, later, i went out for a walk, down to the park, i'm surprised i didn't get lost this time, while there i read my book, a whole section, wow. I came back & told Beth how i felt last night, she apologised & said she gets that way, with that person (not that i remember her name), Beth came home & we had quiche (real yummy) then i stayed up a while (about 11) & got to meet Beths brother, lol, & i found out why beth had called, someone was actually worried about me on monday, when i wasnt online for ages, no one ever worries about me & it made me cry, in a good way, well i cried in my room, no one ever worries about me & i felt better, i really did, i actually felt like i was wanted somewhere, you know what the feels like to someone who lives in a house with an abusive father? you know what that feels like? to actually feel wanted? that someone actually cared about you? it means alot, believe me, i felt like i did have someone who generally cared about what happened to me, i couldnt believe it, but i knew she meant it, cause she wouldnt say something like that & not mean it, i know that, so i didnt doubt her, i'm actually snapping out of the habit of doubt (thanks God, Beth & Sammy for helping me with that) then i went to bed about 11ish, slept unbelievably well.

Wednesday (well today) got up & actually brushed my hair first thing (wow) & read my book, then missy came in & rubbed her head against my foot & then bit my foot! not that it hurt or anything, then had a nice warm shower & Beth left for work, as usual & i started packing again, not that i wanted to mind you, then just relaxed, had lunch & didnt do anything really, worked on some lists & stuff, but yeah, whatever, then Beth came back with Andrew & i got a present, i felt special, like i was unique, i've experienced so many feelings i had missed, like excitement, true happiness, i didnt have to plaster a smile on my face, i was genuinely happy, for once in my life, i was like that from Sunday, excited & happy, but then this afternoon, i just, got so upset, i didn't want to come home, i knew what i was going back to, but first we called into red rooster for dinner, but i was still scared, scared of what had happened & scared of what was going to happen, my fears became reality as i stepped into my house & i was so upset, but didnt show it, Dad had started drinking already when i came home & it hurt, it hurt so much, but i remember how much fun i had with Beth & how things were good for just 3 days, i remembered & i smiled, i actually smiled, cause i knew God was with me & i knew everything was going to be ok, but i didnt want to come back, i long for the day i can move out of here, out of this place i call home, i long for that day, i wish for that day, i pray for that day to come & yet it is so far off

As i sit here crying while i write this, i long for the day i can call a place home, have a guy of my own & be truly loved once more, by my soul mate, for true love is hard to find, true friends are difficult to find, hard to leave & impossible to forget, quote from somebody or other, i believe, with all my heart, that 2 people who genuinely care about me, are true friends, along with many others, all of which, i cannot name, so i'll say 7, lucky number & all, one, my loving father, God in heaven, watching, holding me, my boyfriend, Sam, a guy who found me among the dirt, a dirty gem, needing care & love to be clean, Joanne, my best friend, my mentor, you've grown me so much & i thank you, Beth, the person who took me into her home & cared for me, for 3 days, for that i thank you, Andrew F, who knows whether you will read this, but you, similar & different, i believe will always be who you are, Andrew M, the guy who goes to church & genuinely looks out for me, you're awesome mate, Hayley, my newly married friend, you're true & though we've had our differences, & our fights, you're still my best friend, thank you all, i'm sure theres more than 7.

thank you Beth, you've been great
God will never let you down
Amanda

Specialist

i had my specialist appointment today, it didnt go well, she said that i lied to her, she said that i had told the dietitician that i didn't want an appointment, when i did & i said that i did, but the dietitician lady said that she couldnt do anything for me, cause of placement & not being able to get a near enough appointment, then my doctor gave me this huge lecture about how lying is wrong, when i didnt lie to her or anybody, and she said she doesnt believe me when i say i go unconcious, she said that it doesnt happen, now she's researching into why i dont have my period, and she wants to put me on the pill, she said it might help start it, it might help to give my body the little boost it needs, but it's not like i exactly want my period, she's getting all these tests done, blood tests, ekg & eeg, which i don't want, i'm scared.

Meeting with Jacqui

i saw jacqui today
lyla & jenny came in too
lyla left when i said i felt intimidated
they said i have definitely failed the course
and am not to come back to the course
but i still have to pay my fees
they said teachers assistant might be a better option
i'm not going for that
maybe eventually
they said that my theory standard has risen
sandwich effect
they said i'm a wonderful person
sandwich effect
they said to keep them updated with how i'm going
not like i will
they said alot of things
half of which i don't remember
i didn't even cry
miracle in itself
they said i was very mature with the whole situation
sandwich effect
then i left
with my questions answered
and tears rolling down my cheek
i wanted to cry
but couldnt

Hopes & Dreams

hey everyone,

yesterday, i was holding a baby & she arched her back & hit her head on the floor
the director was told that i dropped her
today, i'm told that i've been cut from the course & am not to return
i cried for ages
it hurt, knowing i'd failed again
it's obvious that i'm to find another way into uni
but instead
i've decided to become a librarian
i've loved books all my life
and have been told i'll be good at it
it's made me feel so low
like a failure
a complete failure
and i hate it
i have to see jacqui on thursday
not that i exactly want to
but i have to
wish me luck

with god in control anything is possible
God Bless
Amanda

Day 1

well, today, first day, nerve racking, but the ladies were so nice & i made some mistakes, got angry at one point, but i need to learn more patience, they are babies after all, i did an observation & havent written in my journal yet (must do that) & will work on everything else, i'll sort it ALL tomorrow afternoon, after work, i'll get on the computer at some point, don't worry, lol, it was so exhausting today, i'm knackered, i learnt how to do a lot of things, which is good & well, yeah, anyway, today was awesome, WAY better than my last work placement, but today was fun, kinda looking forward to tomorrow, not sure though, meh, 18 days to go, looking forward to the sleep in on saturday, i've got 7am till 3:30 all this week! then 8:30 to 5pm following 2 weeks, then 9:30 to 6pm on the last week, so meaning i will be late to youth group on that last week, but i'll just get off the bus 2 stops later, THANKING DAYLIGHT SAVINGS, it would probably be dark otherwise & i'd be terrified of what may happen, but i'm not scared cause of daylight savings, which is good, the scary thing today was...........i almost..........fainted, i think it was caused by heat exhaustion or dehydration, so prayer for that would be good,
well, now i must bid adeu, till tomorrow........

With GOD in control ANYTHING is possible!!
God Bless
Amanda

Work Placement

Over the next 4 weeks, i will be posting about my experiences while on work placement, 19 days of looking after children & 20th day is tutorial, i'm getting a total stranger as my assessor/tutor, which i am not liking much & well, yeah

4th November 2007

Hey Everyone

i know i haven't updated in a while, just been so busy with tafe & church & actually having a boyfriend, yet still being ahead in my study (meant to be working on a re-submit, but i'm almost done anyway) so i'm assuming you want to hear how everythings going? well, for those who want that, you get it, but for those who don't well, if you comment, i might address it (yes, please comment)

lets start with church for once

well, church is amazing, i'm so happy there, the past is behind me, growing cobwebs & thats where it will stay, anyway, sunday school is great, i love it there, i've been put in charge of worship, which i am so happy about, how much better could it get? cept the fact that i became a member today! even though i was last, why am i always last! i dont like being last, but who cares anyway, i wasnt on stage today, i had a really sore throat though, so probably wouldnt have sung anyway, and guess what, i'm finally singing on my own, cause of vocal lessons, where i literally have to, i was so nervous as first, totally scared, but i got through it alright & it seems theres a greater level of trust in the worship team now, for us to get past the nerves & sing in front of each other, well, it was a big step for me, for someone who doesnt trust many people on a higher level, it was a big step & i'm proud of myself. and we had 2 baptisms today, was so cool, real glad, it was awesome. we've started a series on haggai, it actually interesting, even though i'm hardly there cause of sunday school, saves me trying to find an outfit i guess, meh, well thats about it for church, overall, pretty awesome at the moment, oh, wait, youth group, we've incorporated grades 5-7 now, on a fortnightly basis & its been cool, had i think 5-10 kids last week, and at the end of term we're doing a progressive dinner for christmas, but the week before that we're doing to the youth group ignition at freeway church, can't wait, i've got friends there, lol & we have HSM every other fortnight, which is, alright, i get some decent reading time in, which is good, but other than that it gets pretty boring at times, cept last time we did a collage type thing, which was alright, better than what we normally do & i liked talking about games & stuff, thinking of joining the games team, but i dont want to announce games, i hate public speaking, i get so nervous, but anyway, thats going alright, so's childrens church & church itself, so it's all pretty good.

tafe - BORING, cept the fact that i'm going on placement next week & still have to get this stupid form filled out, i dont see why i have to, i had one done last semester, she's being such a beep, but rhiannon has left (hallelujah) and laura has left, she wasnt bad though, but one of my lecturers is being such a cow! she flat out insulted me in class! totally uncalled for & i felt like hitting her, but last week, i found out, i don't get a lecturer on my placement, i get this total stranger & i'm meant to trust jacqui about it! what a load of bull s**t! i know i'm meant to be this good little christian girl that everyone expects, well i dont care, i'll express my feelings if i feel like it & this just makes me angry, i cant help that, well, it means i dont get leigh again, which is good, i get this lady called sylvia instead, which i havent even met, in a way i'm looking forward to work experience, but in a way i'm not, i guess i'm scared that it will be like last time, but i've heard so many good things about the center i'm going to, so i'm actually going to a good center, getting excited.

everything else - well, yes, you heard me right, i have a boyfriend, his names sam & he's amazing, he means the world to me, not more than god though, never more than god, home life is still pretty much hell, brothers, dad & everything

well, thats about it, i'm too tired to write anymore, just finished my resubmit, so that will go in tomorrow, bye

With God in control, ANYTHING is possible
God Bless
manda4889

*NOTE*

*NOTE TO ALL WHO KNOW ME*

when i cry, it's doesn't necessarily mean i am upset (unless it's online, then when i cry i am actually upset) but most of the time in real life when i cry, i am just intimidated by you, not scared as such, but, more scared of the unknown, what's going to happen, what are they going to say, so please, please, don't think you've upset me, cause 75% of the time, i'm just intimidated, and crying is my way of dealing with it, normally, i'm fine again in 10 minutes, people say that i'm abrupt, & jumpy, sure, i am when i'm happy, but i'm just shy first, cause people don't understand me, so please don't think that i'm upset when i cry, cause it's not always the case, i don't upset easily (unless it's family) normally, it takes alot to upset me, believe it or not.

Neville, you didn't upset me, i just got intimidated by the unknown, not knowing what's going to happen, not knowing what you were going to say, i wasn't upset, i promise, i have a cold & my throats been 65% for ages now, about the beginning of winter, so i can't really project my voice as much, you didn't upset me, i hate people seeing me cry, i hate it, that's why i run, it happens every time, you didn't upset me.

Just one more thing, i hate people seeing me cry, cause i hate people thinking i'm a weakling, that's why i get away when i cry, like today, i ran to the toilets & wouldn't come out till i had washed my face, even though i'm on edge afterwards normally & get scared when i go back out, cause i'm intimidated easily, my boyfriend intimidated me at first & was worried when i went all quiet, cause i'm not used to attention, i'm not used to it, cause all i get is bad attention normally, which i hate, that's what makes me who i am, no one can change that

thanks for understanding everyone
God Bless
manda4889

Incorporation

Hey everyone,

i know i haven't posted in ages, i thought i should, well first off, better off saying this at the beginning than the end, but i just went to watch hairspray at the movies with my friends Beth & Andrew, it was cool, but more details on that later, it made me think, has anyone, anyone out there, seen other cultures in the regular soapies, like home & away, neighbours, all saints? has anyone seen any different cultures in those shows, i know i haven't, cept for ernie dingo once on home & away, but no one else, it's been bugging me like crazy! i'm so going to bring it up in diversity on monday, i loved how hairspray incorporated that into the movie, made it a base line in the story, format of cinderella i think, small person, growing to be a big star, classic, anyway, why aren't they accepted on the networks! it is so bias! and the world says, be non-bias, when the networks will barely show other cultures in their shows, how is the world meant to accept other cultures, if their main influence is television! how are they meant to accept it! the influences in this world are so strong, tv being a main culprit, but they arent afraid to put different cultures into shows like the simpsons, or futurama, they're cartoons, they can sketch them in, no real people though, i guess it influences some people, but how many in the world? when the main influence is the general soapies, sorry about the rant, but it makes me so mad! can't they accept that the whole world isn't white! Grrrrrr! sorry, i guess i'm passionate, but don't i have a right to fight for what i believe in? i never realised it before, but i do now, how bias the networks are, THEY NEED OTHER PEOPLE TOO! IT'S NOT ALL WHITE! they may want it all white, but it's not, it's not all white, and for those who want it to be & read this, i'm sorry if i hurt your feelings, i'm just making a point, enough of a rant, i got it out, so i'm happy, please comment if you have seen other cultures on home & away or neighbours

all i'm practically saying is that, why dont regular shows incorporate other cultures, like aboriginals or asian into their programs & that i think they should

thanks everyone
i'll post again soon, maybe during the holidays, we'll see
with God in control, anything is possible!
God bless everyone
Amanda

15th July 2007

Hey

I know i haven't updated in ages & its not like anyone is going to read this, but whatever, who cares, i need to write this, here's my update, as per usual

Tafe - well i failed, yes, you heard me I FAILED, because my stupid center wouldnt let me do anything, all i got to do was clean, they bullied me in my lunch break, i wasn't allowed out of the center, they always cut my lunch break short, i rarely got morning tea breaks, when everyone else did, the only person who was actually nice to me, was the cook & then i was banned from seeing her, my life was hell there, i hated it, i wasnt allowed to use the microwave, kettle or fridge, at all, i was glad when their microwave broke down, they said i had no initiative, when they told me to ask before i did anything, what a bunch of hypocrites, i hated it there, i was told of for everything & i did everything in the criteria & they didnt mark it off, it sucked so much, i was glad to get out of there everyday, & my first meeting with my lecturer, the coordinator gave me a bad report & my lecturer told me flat out i was going to fail & i did everything i could to prove her wrong, but i guess she was right & i hated her for saying it, so i'm stuck doing the whole course over again, it totally sucks, whether i like it or not, i did my absolute best & my daily routine, well for 4pm onwards was, wipe the tables, mop the floors, clean the kitchen, do the dishes, vacuum the babies room, vacuum the main room, & do the toilets, not in that order, but whatever, i dont care anymore, i dont want to go back there, but i do want to pass this, i dont want to face that lecturer, but i do want to pass the criteria, i hated it, i so hated it, and i emailed my workplace support lecturer & she didnt give a stuff about how i was going, she didnt care about anything i said, she just lectured me "meet the criteria, do this, do that, remember next time, be organised" oh what a pile of crap, i mean that & i dont normally swear, i hated it & i dont want to go back, but i must.

Church - yeah, well, church is fine, i'm still on stage & my poem actually got published this week, i got a frog for it, i didnt get too much attention, which was good & i was happy for that, but everyone stared at me for about 2 minutes when Ps Ric gave me the frog, i didnt want it, but i ended up killing it, i snapped its head off, lol & i had a break from Powerhouse Kids, for 2 weeks, so good, the message was great today, & guess what, Chelsea & I led a song, "Enter In" cause Jody had a sore throat, he barely sung through the whole service, it wasn't that bad & i didnt shake this time, which was good.

Livewire - Well, lets put it this way, i don't feel part of it anymore, like no one wants me there, Chelsea & Tasha want me there, but thats about it, i dont feel part of it, like i'm wanted & i know now, i'll never become a leader, never, cause no one likes me there, i know that, i wish everything would get better, there's no one my age there, and one of the leaders, just ignores me & pretends i don't exist, doesn't seem to like me at all, i don't know what i did wrong! maybe i'm just too immature, like my brother says, maybe, i should just leave & forget about it, cause i'll never be part of it, i'll never be accepted there, just because, i'm not outgoing, & i don't like tackling & getting physical & stuff, i love it there, but i just dont feel part of it anymore

My Birthday - Well, my birthday is 20 days away & its going to be so amazing, i can't wait, we are going bowling, then we are having a BBQ down the beach, my dad is doing everything to do with the BBQ, then Chelsea & I are going to the movies, i want to see Harry Potter & The Order of the Phoenix, i'm getting it on DVD anyway though, & then I'm staying over Chelsea's for the night & going to church together in the morning, it's going to be so awesome, i can't wait! & i have this long list with everything we will need for the BBQ, lol, with checklists & stuff, lol, i did remember to put sunscreen on there, lol, not all that funny really, either way, i can't wait

Other Stuff - Well, it's holidays & i'm getting my learners this week, which will be good & we are ordering the cake this week too, which will be good & i've been relaxing all week, which has been good, i go back to tafe next week, which i dont want to do, lol, expected though, stupid tafe, stupid lecturers, i went to the library yesterday, borrowed like 7 books & 1 DVD, lol, the DVD's funny, its called Elizabethtown, it is so funny, lol.

well i'm going to go watch a movie, or sleep, one of the two
With God in control, ANYTHING is possible!!
cya, God Bless
Amanda